Comparing Yourself to Others?  Why not with Yourself Yesterday?

The only person you really need to beat is the person you were yesterday.

Who are you?

You probably think you know.

I thought I did, too.

But the older I get, the more I realize that discovering who we are is less like opening a finished book and more like reading a story that keeps being written. We discover our interests, our strengths, our weaknesses—and sometimes our quirks—along the way.

I discovered some of mine very early.

I grew up on a college campus, surrounded by students, professors, laboratories, classrooms, and all kinds of fascinating things that were far beyond the understanding of a curious kid. While some of the other children were busy playing with their friends, I found myself wandering toward the engineering department.

I was fascinated by the machinery.

I would stand there watching college students work on equipment and wonder: How does that thing work? Why does it move that way? What makes it do that?

Apparently, I was not very good at minding my own childhood business.

Instead of simply watching, I asked questions. And when the answers weren’t enough, I went to the college library to find out more.

Nobody had to tell me to learn. Curiosity was my teacher.

That same curiosity has followed me throughout my life. It eventually helped lead me into medicine, and now, as a retired octogenarian physician, it continues to pull me toward new technology, science and, especially, artificial intelligence.

I consider myself fortunate to be alive at a time when AI is transforming the way we learn, communicate and solve problems.

Some people my age ask, “Why should I bother learning all this new technology?”

I ask, “Why wouldn’t I?”

After all, I didn’t spend my childhood staring at machinery just to spend my old age staring at the television remote.

We Are Not All Wired the Same

One thing I have learned about myself is that I find it difficult to force myself to sustain effort in something that genuinely doesn’t interest me.

Give me something I’m curious about, and I can become almost annoyingly persistent.

Give me something that doesn’t interest me, and suddenly my brain develops an impressive talent for finding something else to do.

I remember one of my Spanish teachers telling me:

“Laurence, you’re an underachiever.”

I wanted to be polite, so I didn’t tell him what I was thinking:

“Maybe, sir, I just haven’t found Spanish particularly interesting.”

Of course, he may have had a point. Perhaps I could have worked harder.

But his comment also taught me something important: interest matters.

We are not equally fascinated by the same things. Some people love mathematics. Others love music. Some thrive in business. Others want to teach, build, heal, create, write, garden or work with their hands.

Some people can spend hours studying spreadsheets.

I would rather watch somebody take apart an engine.

And that’s okay.

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is:

What do I genuinely love?

What am I curious about?

What do I genuinely want to become?

Those questions are much more useful than constantly asking, “How do I measure up against everybody else?” Comparing yourself to others could lead to a frustrating life because we are not all wired the same. 

Standards Are Important—But Comparison Is Not the Same Thing

I grew up in a family where standards mattered.

My parents expected us to work hard, behave properly, learn and make something worthwhile of our lives. But, as I remember it, they did not constantly tell us that we had to outperform our siblings or some other child in the family.

There was an expectation to do our best.

That is different from being told that someone else is the standard by which our worth is measured.

Standards are necessary.

Without standards, there is little direction. We need goals. We need discipline. We need something to aim for.

But as we mature, we also become increasingly individual and unique.

Our circumstances become more personal. Our abilities differ. Our interests change. Our opportunities are different. Even our definition of success may change dramatically over time.

Comparing two people as though they are identical experiments is simply not fair.

We aren’t.

There Will Always Be Someone Better

Let’s be honest.

No matter how successful you become, there will always be someone who is more successful.

Someone will be richer.

Someone will be smarter.

Someone will be younger.

Someone will be stronger, faster, taller, prettier or more athletic.

And if you happen to be very successful in all of those categories, congratulations!

Give it a few minutes.

Someone else will come along.

That’s not pessimism. That’s reality.

The danger comes when we turn that reality into a judgment about our own worth.

“He’s more successful than I am, so I’m a failure.”

“She’s healthier than I am, so I’m doing something wrong.”

“They have a beautiful home, successful children and wonderful vacations. My life doesn’t look anything like theirs.”

And suddenly we have purchased a one-way ticket to Unpleasantville, with a connecting flight through Misery.

If you have that mindset, it may not entirely be your fault.                        Growing up, you may have heard people subtly suggesting                       that you should be comparing yourself with others—a habit                that can quietly foster insecurity and make you feel that you                     are never quite good enough.

The problem isn’t that someone else is doing well.

The problem is using someone else’s life as the measuring stick for your own.

Social Media Made the Comparison Game Much Worse

Before social media, most of us compared ourselves with people within our immediate circle—siblings, cousins, classmates, neighbors, coworkers and friends.

At least that comparison pool was relatively small.

Today?

We can compare ourselves with billions of people.

And here’s the funny part: we are usually comparing our ordinary Tuesday with someone else’s best five minutes of the year.

Social media gives us photographs of the vacation, not the canceled flight.

We see the beautiful house, not the mortgage.

We see the smiling family portrait, not the argument that happened five minutes before the camera came out.

We see the promotion, the new car, the graduation, the wedding, the perfect meal, the six-pack abs and the breathtaking vacation.

Nobody posts:

“Spent three hours today worrying about something I can’t control.”

Or:

“Ate too much pizza. Again.”

Or:

“I’m not nearly as happy as this picture suggests.”

We are comparing our behind-the-scenes with somebody else’s highlight reel.

That’s a terrible contest.

And statistically speaking, when your comparing yourself to others and there are several billion people, your chances of being number one become rather… inconvenient.

But Comparison Isn’t Always Bad

Now, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Comparison can be useful.

If someone has accomplished something remarkable, we can study what they did. Their achievement can become a source of inspiration.

A successful physician can inspire another physician.

A great athlete can inspire us to exercise.

A successful entrepreneur can teach us about persistence.

Someone who has overcome adversity can remind us that difficult circumstances don’t necessarily determine the final outcome.

The difference is in how we use the comparison.

Instead of saying:

“I’ll never be as good as that person.”

Ask:

“What can I learn from that person?”

That’s a completely different mindset.

One produces discouragement.

The other produces growth.

Expect Great Things From Yourself

There is another important side to this idea.

We shouldn’t use “don’t compare yourself with others” as an excuse for complacency.

We should still expect great things from ourselves.

Michael Jordan is widely associated with the idea:

“You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them.”

The point isn’t that we should expect ourselves to become Michael Jordan.

That would be a rather ambitious career change for most of us.

The point is that our expectations influence our actions.

If we continually tell ourselves, “I’m too old,” “I’m not capable,” “I can’t learn,” or “It’s too late,” we may stop trying before we even begin.

But if we say:

“I can learn something new.”

“I can become a little better.”

“I can strengthen what I still have.”

“I can contribute something meaningful.”

we create room for growth.

Success doesn’t always require becoming extraordinary.

Sometimes it means becoming a little better than you were yesterday.

The Better Competition

Jordan Peterson popularized the advice:

“Don’t compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.”

That idea has stayed with me because it changes the entire game.

Your past self is a much fairer opponent.

Yesterday’s you had your history.

Yesterday’s you had your limitations.

Yesterday’s you had your opportunities—or lack of them.

Yesterday’s you had your knowledge, habits and circumstances.

So instead of asking:

“Am I better than him?”

Ask:

“Am I better than I was?”

Did I learn something?

Did I become a little kinder?

Did I exercise?

Did I make a healthier food choice?

Did I call someone I had been meaning to call?

Did I spend less time complaining?

Did I become more patient?

Did I finally tackle something I had been avoiding?

Did I learn something new?

Did I use my time better?

These may seem like small victories.

But life is largely built from small victories.

The Power of Being Just a Little Better

We sometimes think improvement has to be dramatic.

It doesn’t.

You don’t have to transform your life on Monday morning.

You don’t need a revolutionary five-year plan.

Sometimes you simply need to take the next step.

Read a few more pages.

Walk a little farther.

Lift a little more.

Eat one more serving of vegetables.

Spend a little less time scrolling.

Learn one new concept.

Call an old friend.

Apologize.

Forgive.

Get up and try again.

Small improvements accumulate.

One day of improvement doesn’t look like much.

But hundreds of days of small improvements can produce a very different person.

That’s the beauty of compounding—whether we’re talking about money, muscles, knowledge, relationships or character.

At My Age, Yesterday Is a Pretty Good Competitor

As an octogenarian, I’ve learned that the goal changes as we get older.

When you’re young, you may want to conquer the world.

Later, you may want to build a career, raise a family and accumulate accomplishments.

Eventually, you realize that staying healthy, staying curious, remaining useful and maintaining meaningful relationships are accomplishments in themselves.

I don’t need to be better than someone half my age.

I just want to keep improving what I still have.

If yesterday I knew something about artificial intelligence, today I’d like to know a little more.

If yesterday I exercised, today I’d like to keep moving.

If yesterday I made a mistake, today I’d like to learn from it.

If yesterday I was impatient, today I can try to be more patient.

If yesterday I didn’t reach out to someone, today I can make the call.

That’s progress.

Not spectacular.

Not Instagram-worthy.

But real.

Your Life Is Not a Race Against Everyone Else

Life isn’t a 100-meter dash where everyone starts at the same line, wears the same shoes and runs under the same conditions.

Some start with advantages.

Some start with disadvantages.

Some have extraordinary opportunities.

Others have to fight for every inch.

Some discover their gifts early.

Others don’t discover them until much later.

And some of us spend years trying to figure out what those gifts actually are.

That’s okay.

Your journey is yours.

The goal isn’t to become somebody else.

So stop comparing yourself to others.

The goal is to become the best version of yourself that your circumstances, abilities and choices allow.

So admire people who are ahead of you.

Learn from them.

Celebrate their accomplishments.

Let them inspire you.

But don’t allow their success to become evidence of your failure.

And don’t let someone else’s highlight reel make you ashamed of your ordinary life.

Tomorrow, Take a Look in the Mirror

Tomorrow morning, instead of looking around and asking:

“Who is ahead of me?”

ask:

“What can I do today that my yesterday-self couldn’t—or wouldn’t—do?”

Maybe it’s something big.

Maybe it’s something ridiculously small.

It still counts.

Because the person you were yesterday is the one person you can legitimately compete with.

And here’s the good news:

You don’t have to beat yourself by a mile.

Just move the needle.

Learn something.

Do something.

Improve something.

Help someone.

Become a little stronger.

A little wiser.

A little kinder.

A little healthier.

A little more curious.

Then go to bed knowing that you didn’t merely live another day.

You grew a little during it.

That’s a pretty good way to live.

And, in my book, that’s For The Good Life.