My Last Good Whipping
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4, NLT
My parents and I were raised during a time when child abuse awareness did not exist. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24 NEV. This verse has been quoted often to justify extreme physical punishment.
The first four years of my life was spent living with my mother, who was an elementary school teacher and while my father was away in college. During that period, we moved from one school to another and boarded with different families.
After my father finished college, he was hired as a high school teacher at the same school. My mother and I joined him shortly after. It was during this period when I (the only child) experienced discipline and set rules for the first time. I was to speak only English when I was at home, I was not to speak with my mouth full, I could not eat in-between meals, I had to answer my elders with either yes ma’am or sir, and the list goes on…
If I was to break any of the rules, it resulted in a quick and severe lashing from my father’s belt. The lashing would continue until I stopped yelling and crying, which is very difficult to do when you are in extreme pain. Even though it was only on my legs, it would still result in having visible whip marks.
One day when I was about 6 years old, there was a sudden change. We had moved into a house inside the college campus. Outside the house was a tall guava tree. I saw the big ripe fruits hanging from its the branches, and one, in particular, caught my eye. I climbed the tree and picked the fruit. It smelled even better than it looked. I bit into the soft, juicy, and sweet guava. Then all of a sudden, my enjoyment was cut short. My father walked out of the house and caught me red-handed breaking one of his rules: not to eat in-between meals.
Despite being caught breaking one of the rules, his demeanor was different this time. He was calm and his spoke with a soft tone in his voice. He said, “Boy, come down. We need to have a talk.” Engulfed with fear, I followed him inside the house. He politely asked me to be seated. Then he asked, “Boy, you know you disobeyed the rule not to eat in-between meals.” In a trembling voice, I answered, “Yes sir.” I was shocked by what he said next. He said, “I want to ask God for forgiveness for your disobedience.” So, we knelt, with my voice cracking and almost in tears I said a prayer admitting my disobedience and asked God for His forgiveness. After the prayer, my father said you know what happens when you disobey? You get a spanking.
He then proceeded to give me one lash to my legs and then put his arms around me. It was after that experience that I became incredibly careful not to break any rules because I dreaded the ritual of having to have talk with my father and having to kneel down before God admitting my mistake and asking for forgiveness.
Analyze the verse, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” We often forget that it says to discipline diligently.” This means we should practice thoughtful discipline accompanied with love and concern. In addition, this verse can provide further direction: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
When the subject of the use of extreme physical punishment is discussed, there many would say that that was they were brought up that way and it has help them develop in to successful and responsible individuals. However if you look at multiple studies on inmates in prison it showed; “Rates of childhood and adult trauma are high among incarcerated persons. In addition to criminality, childhood trauma is associated with the risk for emotional disorders (e.g., depression and anxiety) and co-morbid conditions such as alcohol and drug abuse and antisocial behaviors in adulthood.”
Do delinquents grow from lack of discipline? Or from too much discipline? Dr. Alan Button reports, “This, it now appears is the wrong question. We should be asking about sequence. Parents of delinquents, all of them, report physical beating in the first ten to twelve years of the child’s life, but rarely thereafter. They “wash their hands” of the kid because “nothing works.” Then the judge, finding that the boy has no supervision, denounces permissiveness.
The chart shows the more severe the corporal punishment the worse the out come.Dr. Ralph Welsh who has given psychological examinations to over 2,000 delinquents, has developed what he calls. “The Belt Theory of Juvenile Delinquency.” Dr. Welsh tells us:
“The recidivist male delinquent who has never been exposed to the belt, extension cord or fist at some time in his life is virtually non-existent. As the severity of corporal punishment in the delinquent’s developmental history increases, so does the probability that he will engage in a violent act.”
Under no circumstance should a verse in the Bible be used to justify or condone physical abuse of children in the name of discipline. Discipline comes from the root word disciple. A disciple is “a pupil or follower of any teacher or school.” Many times, have we forgotten how we discipline our children is a way of teaching them how to treat others who err. Before we exercise any discipline on our children, we need to pause and ask ourselves, “How Christ would do it?” Always in name of LOVE.
